Age Spots
by Ionia Metallium-Greywers
Summary: Crawford's starting to notice his age...


Title: Age Spots  
  
Author: Ionia Metallium-Greywers  
  
Summary: Crawford's starting to notice his age...  
  
Author's Notes: This would be the spawn of a conversation me and Ro-chan had in history today. ^^ Our real history teacher was supervising a field trip, so we had a substitute teacher. Ro-chan thought he looked like David Letterman, but I said he looked more like Crawford over-the-hill. Then, I said something to the effect of, "Wait, over-the-hill for Crawford is more like 30..." And since WeiÃŸ Kreuz was released in 1998, Crawford would be 31 now! He's over-the-hill! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Erm...sumimasen. ^^;; But yeah, for the rest of the day, I called him Old Man Crawford and/or Grandpa. ^^ Oh, and make sure you remember what started this whole thing throughout the fic. It's important to the process. ^^  
  
Things You Should Know: "..." symbolizes speech.  
  
'...' symbolizes thoughts.  
  
... symbolizes telepathic speech.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own WeiÃŸ Kreuz, or Schwarz, or Rogaine. (Yup. 's right. Rogaine.)  
  
Warnings: Crawford-bashing. Yup. He'd kill me for it, but I'm gonna put some REAL mental stress on Braddy-kins. ^^ ...yeah. Just...hit me...  
  
-----  
  
Day 1  
  
-----  
  
"Hey, grandpa!"  
  
Crawford twitched. He turned around, growling. "Don't call me that!"  
  
Schuldich cocked his head. "But, why not, mein leibchen?"  
  
"Because I'll borrow one of Takatori's golf clubs and beat you with it, that's why!"  
  
Schu mock-sniffled. "But...I was only kidding, mein leibchen..." He straightened up. "Besides, you couldn't hit me even if you wanted to, old man! I can read your mind and tell what you're going to--"  
  
Crawford brought the Mighty Takatori Golf Club of Doom (TM) down upon the ranting German's head. "Urusai!"  
  
"Itetetetete!!!" Schu rubbed his head. "Hey, I wasn't ready!!!"  
  
WHACK!  
  
"YAAAAH!!!" Schuldich glared at Crawford. "I still wasn't ready!!!"  
  
"And I thought you could read my mind," Crawford said with a sneer.  
  
Schuldich hissed, looking overall like a pissed-off cat. "I can! You just won't give me TIME!!!"  
  
"Right..." Crawford turned around.  
  
"Hey...you've got a grey hair, old man!" Schu picked the offending hair off of Crawford's shoulder.  
  
"What?! Oh my God! OH MY GOD!!!" Crawford snatched the tiny hair from him. "This can't be mine! I'M ONLY 28!!!" He began pulling and tugging on his hair in frustration.  
  
"Better be careful about that, old man. It's gonna fall out on you." Schuldich smirked.  
  
"WAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Crawford ran thru the doorway and into the bathroom. He ran his fingers thru his hair frantically looking for more of those antagonistic grey hairs.  
  
He slowed down, relieved to not find more of the enemy. Schuldich came into the bathroom, smirking. "Find any more, mein leibchen?"  
  
"No, thank God." Crawford opened the medicine cabinet above the sink and reached inside to grab his Rogaine.  
  
...And was shocked to come out empty-handed.  
  
"NOOOOO!!! My Rogaine!!!" Crawford sobbed.  
  
"Hmm..." Schuldich snatched the bottle from the box and examined it. "...hmm...teeth marks...tears in the plastic... It seems that the One-Eyed Wonder has been drinking your emergency Rogaine supply, mein leibchen."  
  
"Hey!" Crawford's head snapped up to look at the telepath. "How did you know it was my--wait. Nevermind. Stupid question."  
  
"I live to amaze, mein leibchen." Schuldich bowed dramatically. "Shall I summon up the Farf, or do you want to personally invoke the wrath of Old Man Crawford upon him?"  
  
Crawford breathed heavily, his head in the sink. "...Schuldich...if you don't leave...RIGHT now...you are going to be SPLATTERED all over the bathroom walls. GOT THAT?!"  
  
"Ja, ja, Herr Crawford." Schuldich turned around to leave. "I think I'll go see how the prodigy's doing."  
  
'Just as well,' Crawford growled to himself. He raised his head out of the sink to glare into the mirror.  
  
"And whoever's cruel practical joke this is, their head will be on a silver pla--OH MY GOD!!! ANOTHER ONE!!!!!"  
  
-----  
  
Day 2  
  
-----  
  
"Schuldich? Have you seen Crawford?"  
  
Schuldich glanced up from the TV. "How many times have I told you not to interrupt me while I'm watching the naughty channel, Naoe?"  
  
"Gomen nasai. I need to deliver what he told me to get for him is all." Nagi set a bag full of Rogaine on the floor. "He won't leave the house, because he's afraid the sun will make him older."  
  
"Ja, so I heard." Schuldich went back to the TV. "He should be huddled in a fetal position in his room. Either that, or he's in the bathroom."  
  
"Hai." Nagi picked up the bag and trekked upstairs.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"So young...but...all this grey hair..." A fist connected with the wall. "Argh! Just face it, Bradley! You're OLD!!!"  
  
"Um...Crawford-san?" Nagi poked his head into Crawford's bedroom. The man looked to him, a maniacal glint in one eye, which suddenly disappeared when he spotted the bag.  
  
"Oh, Nagi, so glad you're back." He moved closer to the boy (or was it the bag...?). "How's the weather out there?"  
  
"Ano...it's...sunny..." Nagi fidgeted.  
  
"Bah. Sunny. Just as I thought." Crawford mock-paced. "Damn sun. Damn the sun and it's youthful cheeriness and it's ability to cause skin cancer and wrinkles!"  
  
"A...ano..." Nagi whimpered. He wanted out of the demon's lair. Hell, Nagi would have preferred FARF's room at the moment.  
  
"Now...how about that Rogaine?" Crawford snatched at the bag and, succeeding in grabbing it, ran to the bathroom.  
  
"Ano...etou..." Nagi inched towards the door.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Eh?" Nagi cocked his head questioningly. Now, his brain was screaming "Don't look! Don't go in there! NO!!!", but his legs were screaming "C'mon, you know you wanna look. Just take a little peek."  
  
Nagi, his brain having lost the battle for once, peeked into the doorway of the bathroom. Crawford stood before the mirror, his collar pulled down. He seemed to be staring in shock at something on his lower neck. Nagi briefly wondered what that could be.  
  
Crawford was inspecting a mole.  
  
He knew for a fact that that mole had been there before. Whenever Crawford was fresh from the shower, Nagi would see the mole. Apparently, Crawford had not.  
  
"Bah! See what the sun has done to me?!" He broke down in front of the sink. "The blasted sun has given me age spots!!!"  
  
'...I'm leaving. NOW.' Nagi edged out of the bathroom doorway, then ran into the hall.  
  
I don't blame you, bishounen, Schuldich's mental voice whispered to him. Those mental images I got from you were making ME shiver.  
  
"..." Nagi breathed in deeply. "I'm gonna need some SERIOUS counseling..."  
  
-----  
  
Day 3  
  
-----  
  
Crawford stayed downstairs now. Downstairs, and FAR away from the windows and doors. He had discovered that the mirror that he had befriended in the bathroom was on a medicine cabinet, and, seeing as old people keep their medicine in bathroom medicine cabinets, he had to move elsewhere.  
  
"Would you like som tea, Crawford-san?" Nagi tipped the tea kettle towards Crawford's mug.  
  
"Nooooo!!!" Crawford scooted away from Nagi. "Old people use tea kettles! It's a necessity in old folk's homes!" He grabbed onto Nagi's leg. "You won't put me in a home, will you?!"  
  
"Err..." Nagi set the kettle on the kitchen table. "No, Crawford-san. We won't put you in a home."  
  
Oh yes, and where is Farfie, the One-Eyed Wonder, in the midst of all this chaos? One would think he would thoroughly enjoy seeing Crawford suffer, just as a child would enjoy pelting a birthday party clown with cake and ice cream. But no, Farfarello had not shown his face for the past three days, since the incident had started. He didn't come upstairs, but they did find his food dish empty when they went to fill it up again, so he hadn't disappeared. He was just keeping to himself.  
  
"Here, mein leibchen. Have some magazines." Schuldich set a stack of assorted magazines in front of the mentally-unstable precog.  
  
Unfortunately, the one on the top was Farfie's Home and Garden Magazine.  
  
"NOOOOOO!!! Old people magazines! Get them away! Get them away!!!" Crawford curled into a fetal position on the floor.  
  
"Geez..." Schuldich took the magazines away. "You'd think he'd at least be a little better..." He turned to leave the room.  
  
"Where are you going?" Nagi asked curiously.  
  
"To call Takatori and see what he thinks."  
  
"Nooooooo!!!" Crawford screeched, remaining in the fetal position. "Not the scary koala man!!! He's OLD!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, shut up." Schuldich stalked from the room.  
  
"Ano..." Nagi pulled Crawford into a sitting position. "Come on, Crawford- san. Let me take you to your room."  
  
"Yes..." Crawford sighed. "A nice, comfy bed to ease the ache in my old bones..."  
  
'Ano...' Nagi sweatdropped. 'If he doesn't stop soon, I'M gonna go crazy...'  
  
From the basement stairwell, one golden eye glinted in the dim light. A certain white-haired Irishman giggled as he turned to retreat to his basment cell.  
  
"Rolling around on Crawford's clothes hurts God..."  
  
--Owari-- 


End file.
